The Mr Rogers Generation

by Steven J. Owens 6 October 1989
DISCLAIMER: Don't hold me to the closing theme song from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. It's been at least ten years since I've seen it, and I didn't know it well then. I am not affiliated with either show, and after this probably never will.

Scene 1: The bridge. All cast members are in place, except the captain.

Worf:

Entering the Neutral Zone, Commander.

Riker:

(Over intercom) Commander, we are entering the Neutral Zone.

Captain:

(Over intercom) Wonderful. Just let me put on my loafers.

Worf:

(Quizzical look) His what ?!

The opening film sequence from TNG being shown, as the music overdubbed to "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ..."

Finally, the Door to the Captain's ready room opens, and out comes Mr. Roger's in a light blue sweater, polyester trousers, and his loafers. He looks into the camera and waves.

Mr. Rogers:

Howdy, Neighbor.

Riker:

(Relinquishing the command chair) Your chair, sir?

Mr. Rogers:

Why thank you, Number One. (sitting down) Ooo, this is comfortable, isn't it.

Riker:

Why, yes sir. It certainly is. (in the biggest Rikersmirk possible) Would you like a report, sir.

Mr. Rogers:

I like the way you say that. (turning to Troi) Can you say "report" ?

Worf :

(Disgusted, under breath) Can you say "dismember" ?

Riker:

Sir, during your nap, we recieved orders from Star Fleet Command to enter the Neutral Zone and investigate the destruction of several federation outposts. Star Fleet feels this might be the work of the Romulans.

Mr. Rogers:

Well, that wasn't very nice of them. (turning towards the camera) you know kids, when you play, you should really be careful. Otherwise, you might hurt yourselves, or worse, someone else.

Worf:

Commander! Sensors detect Romulan ship uncloaking!

Riker:

Shields up. Let's get a visual.

Screen comes on, showing a Romulan ship beginning to apear.

Mr. Rogers:

(Watching) Oh, isn't that lovely !

Riker slowly turns his head to look at Mr. Rogers. He then looks at Troi, and tries to imitate Spock, raising his eyebrow, as best he can. Troi is trying hard to hold back her laughter. She gets up and walks off the bridge. Worf simply looks disgusted.

Data:

Commander, it is a Romulan Class X Battle Cruiser, fully armed.

Mr. Rogers:

Gee, I like the way you said that.

Data:

(Turning around) Really. I can also say it in several dialects. Such as ...

Riker:

Not now, Data.

Worf:

Commander, they are hailing us.

Riker:

Open frequencies.

Worf:

Frequencies open commander.

Riker:

Romulan ship, this is the USS Enterprise from the United Federation of Planets. We are recieving you.

Screen wavers and up comes a visual of a Romulan, who looks strangely familar ...

Mr. Rogers:

(Waving at screen) Howdy Neighbor!

Romulan:

Speedy delivery! Speedy Delivery! I have a message from the Romulan Empire! They say that you've broken the treaty by placing colonies within the Neutral Zone, and that you'll have to pay for it. You must pull all Federation outposts from the Neutral Zone in 2 days. Have a nice day !

Screen wavers and the view returns to the Romulan ship. Riker sits in his chair looking real concerned, leans over to Mr. Rogers ...

Riker:

What are we going to do, Captain? There's no way we can get all those outposts cleared out in time.

Mr. Rogers:

You know, I seem to remember King Friday having a similar problem when he got evicted from his castle. Why don't we take a trip to the land of Make Believe and see how he handled it.

He pulls a lever at his left hand. From a tunnel underneath Riker's chair comes Trolley, which runs around to the rear console, up the edge of it, past Worf, who looks at it in utter amazement, then down the other side and into a tunnel under Troi's chair. Screen circles to black.

The screen reverses to show Trolley emerging from the tunnel in front of King Friday's former castle. Wesley is standing there, in uniform, with King Friday as they watch Trolley pass in front of them. There's a big "For Rent or Lease" sign on the front of the castle. Welsey has his usual quizzical look on his face ...

Wesley:

So how can they just throw you out of your own castle ?

King Friday:

Well, you see Welsey, I didn't really own the castle. I was simply allowed to use it if I paid the real owner money every month.

Wesley:

You mean you actually gave someone goods in order to live in the castle ?

King Friday:

Well, in a manner of speaking, yes Wesley.

Wesley:

But that still doesn't tell me why he's forcing you to leave.

King Friday:

Well, you see, the Queen needed a new crown, as hers was out of style, so she went out and bought one. Unfortunately, at the same time, I was trying to pay the rent for the month. The rent check bounced and, well, here I am.

Wesley:

So because you couldn't give him your goods in time, he's throwing you out.

King Friday:

Exactly!

Wesley:

(With stupid questioning look on his face) I guess I just don't understand. In the 24th Century, we don't have to worry about material goods any more. All that is provided for us.

King Friday:

Well Wes, we can't all live in the 24th Century. (turns toward tunnel) Oh, look. Here comes Trolley!

Trolley comes back out of the tunnel and in front of the castle. King Friday and Wesley are waving as Trolley passes by ...

King & Wesley:

Hi, Trolley !

Trolley beeps twice and enters tunnel. Screen fades to black again.

We return to a close-up of Trolley passing between Riker's legs and going into the tunnel. The camera pans up to show Riker looking down, watching Trolley, then on to Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers:

King Friday is right. We can't all live in the 24th Century. Some of us have to pay money in order to have a place to live, and we must make that our first priority, not new crowns.

Camera pans back.

Riker:

But Captain, what about the people on the outpost ?!

Mr. Rogers:

(Looking at watch) Oops, almost overstayed my welcome.

He gets up and looks at Riker.

Mr. Rogers:

I guess it's your turn now, Number One.

Camera turns to Riker, who gets the usual suprise look on his face. Camera pans back to follow Mr. Rogers to ready room door. It opens, and closes behind him. Now with a full bridge view, Riker looks around, same look on his face, to see everyone looking at him. Wesley's got his stupid grin on, Data looks puzzled, and Worf looks disgusted. Extras are in back looking at each other and chuckling.

Scene switches to inside ready room, where Mr. Rogers is taking off his sweater to put on his suit coat, which is hung neatly on a coat tree. He sits down in the chair to change his shoes and looks at the camera again ...

Mr. Rogers:

You know, I had a lot of fun today. We should get together and do this again ...

Tomorrow, tomorrow, we'll start the day tomorrow With a song or two. One! Two! Tomorrow, tomorrow, it soon will be tomorrow And be Our day. Till then we will say a very happy tomorrow to you and ...

I'll be back, when the day is new, And I'll have more ideas for you, And you'll have things you'll want to talk about. I will too.

Mr. Rogers:

See you all tomorrow. Bye now!

Closing scenes are of the Enterprise and the Romulan ship in orbit about a planet from STIII. As the closing theme rolls, we see the Romulan ship open fire on the Enterprise. The Enterprise explodes in a shower of sparks, and the screen fades to black.