This page last updated 27 May 2000
Internet Star Trek
by Jeff Okamoto (okamoto@hpccc.hp.com)
I was watching Star Trek II again last night when suddenly I
had this vision of what would happen if instead of a duel between
starships, it was computer systems. What resulted is this:
3 September 1987
- Kirk:
- What is the meaning of this attack?
- Khan:
- Surely I have made my meaning clear. I mean to avenge myself
upon you, Admiral. I deprived your system of UUCP connections and
when I swing around I mean to deprive you of your life. But I
wanted you to know who it was who had beaten you.
- Kirk:
- Khan, if it's me you want, I'll have myself rcp'ed over. Spare
my crew.
- Khan:
- I make you a counterproposal. I'll agree to your terms, if ...
if in addition to yourself you hand over to me all data and
materials regarding the project called UUNET.
- Kirk:
- UUNET? What's that?
- Khan:
- Don't insult my intelligence, Kirk.
- Kirk:
- Give me some time to recall the data from our archives.
- Khan:
- I give you sixty seconds.
- Kirk:
- Clear the bridge.
- Spock:
- At least we know he doesn't have UUNET.
- Kirk:
- Keep nodding as though I'm still giving orders. Mr. Saavik,
punch up the data charts of Reliant's password file.
- Saavik:
- Reliant's pass ...
- Kirk:
- Hurry.
- Khan:
- Forty-five seconds Admiral.
- Spock:
- The free login?
- Kirk:
- It's all we've got.
- Saavik:
- File's up, sir.
- Khan:
- Admiral.
- Kirk:
- We're finding it.
- Khan:
- Admiral.
- Kirk:
- Please. Please you've got to give us time. The machine room is
smashed, the editors inoperable.
- Khan:
- Time is a luxury you don't have, Admiral.
- Kirk:
- Damn.
- Khan:
- Admiral?
- Kirk:
- It's coming through now, Khan.
- Spock:
- Reliant's free login is 16309.
- Saavik:
- I don't understand.
- Kirk:
- You have to learn why things work on a UNIX system.
- Spock:
- Each system has its own hidden free login.
- Kirk:
- To prevent an enemy from doing what we're attempting. We're
using our console to order Reliant to let us login.
- Spock:
- Assuming he hasn't changed the combination. He's quite
intelligent.
- Khan:
- Fifteen seconds, Admiral.
- Kirk:
- Khan, how do we know you'll keep your word?
- Khan:
- Oh, I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgement,
you simply have no alternative.
- Kirk:
- I see your point. Stand by to receive our mail message. Mr.
Sulu, lock an Internet connection on target and await my order to
login.
- Sulu:
- Connection pending.
- Khan:
- Time's up, Admiral.
- Kirk:
- Here it comes. Now, Mr. Spock.
- Spock:
- % telnet reliant
- Trying ...
- Connected to reliant.
- Escape character is '~'.
-
- M-6 Duotronic
- U.S.S. Reliant, NCC-1864
-
- login:
- Spock:
- login: 16309
- %
- Joachim:
- Sir, the Enterprise is logging on.
- Khan:
- Kill them.
- Joachim:
- I can't!
- Khan:
- Where's the chroot call? The chroot call!
- Kirk:
- Fire.
- Sulu:
- % su
- #
- Kirk:
- Fire!
- Sulu:
- # rm -rf /
- Khan:
- Reboot, reboot!
- Joachim:
- We can't reboot!
- Khan:
- Why can't you!?
- Joachim:
- They've corrupted the file system and the /etc directory! Sir,
we must power-cycle.
- Khan:
- No!
- Joachim:
- Sir, we must!
-
And the rest is (ahem) history.