That's My Harry

Tom:

Come on Harry, do you think it's such a good idea to have destructive little children in the white house?

Harry:

Don't talk about the Powerpuff girls that way ...

Tom:

I was talking about Naomi.

Naomi is sitting at a desk in the room rewiring the white house security system. Seven of Nine walks in wearing a Mini Skirt, knee high boots and a tank top. Audience: WOOOOOOOOO!

Seven:

I'm here now Mr. President!

Harry:

Very good ... did you write down my dinner date with the Powerpuff girls?

Seven:

I will as soon as I get the go ahead call from Chuck!

Janeway:

Why is everyone calling him Chuck? His name is Chakotay!

Harry:

Why is the maid in here?

Tom:

I don't know ... SHOO! SHOO JANEWAY!

Janeway:

Up yours with a wooden spoon. (She walks out)

Tom:

That might be nice ... (Pauses to think about it) Any ways ... What do you plan on having when the girls arrive? Do you want a 7 course meal or do you want to order pizza?

Harry:

Pizza!

Seven:

7 course meal it is ...

Harry:

Then why did you ask me if I wanted pizza?

Tom:

Cause I love seeing that look on your face when you think that you are going to get what ever you want cause you are the president! (Seven and Tom laugh)

Harry:

I don't think that's very funny!

Tom:

Yeah, but you think that Donnie Osmond is, so what does that tell us?

Harry:

That I'm a wiener?

Seven:

Correct! I mean ... What was I talking about again? (Takes her Memory pills which are actually MAMMARY ENHANCERS)

Tom:

Sit down before you hurt your self ... Now Harry ... when the girls are visiting you are going to arrest the 100th drug criminal ... Bring her in!

B'Elanna walks in wearing some sort of retro 80's Madonna outfit. She has sparkles all around her eyes and she has fairy wings on.

B'Elanna:

How's it hanging every one?

Tom:

B'Elanna, didn't I tell you not to get involved with the drug dealers?

B'Elanna:

But it's so EASY! (Walks out the door and yells to some one who is walking down the street in a business suit) Hey you!

Guy:

Yeah?

B'Elanna:

Let me get a dime bag ...

Guy:

(Heads over to her) No problem.

Harry:

(Walks outside) No! Go away! SHOO! (The guy runs off)

B'Elanna:

Damn it Harry!

Tom:

We'll lock her up until the party tonight and take her drugs!

Harry takes the drugs from B'Elanna and puts one of her pills in his mouth.

Tom:

NO! SPIT THAT OUT! (Harry spits it out)

Harry:

You said to take it!

Tom:

How did you wind up president again?

Harry:

My daddy rigged the elections! (Smiles proudly)

Tom:

You know that doesn't make any sense what so ever ... but I'm not even gonna try to fix it.

Harry:

Damn Skippy (Puts the bottle of pills in his pocket)

Seven runs out.

Seven:

The Power Puff girls have arrived! (Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Tom:

Lets go meet them.

Bubbles, Buttercup, and Blossom are floating around in the dining room. Harry walks in.

Bubbles:

YAY! IT"S THE PRESIDENT! Will you sign my autograph book? (Pulls out her pink laced autograph book)

Harry:

Only if you sign mine, Bubbles (They both laugh)

Janeway:

Oh dear lord!

Tom:

You're telling me!

Seven is doing Blossom's hair and although B'Elanna is in a cage she is learning fighting tips from a vivacious Buttercup.

B'Elanna:

Is this cage really necessary?

Harry:

YES IT IS! (Blossom and Bubbles decorate the cage with frilly pink and blue objects)

Bubbles:

If you are scared, then hold this. (Hands her "OCTY" the octopus)

B'Elanna:

Thanks. I feel much better all ready (Sighs and puts the octopus on her lap. She watches the dinner going on around her) Fun fun fun!

Harry:

Boy. Do I EVER have a bad head ache! (Reaches into his pocket and takes the pills B'Elanna had because he thinks they are aspirin. Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

Seven:

Here's your aspirin Mr. President (Pulls it out from her humongous cleavage. Audience: WOOOOOOOOO!)

Harry:

But I just took some asp ... Uh Oh.

Janeway:

Uh Oh is right! Hey you, pass the fried snails (Bubbles hands her the fried snails) That's what I'm talking about. (Dips them in marinara sauce)

Tom:

YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

Janeway:

I KNOW! (Finishes off the snails, and starts to eat the octopus)

Harry:

Oh god ... B'Elanna what do I do? I have a state of the union address in an hour!

B'Elanna:

You gotta puke man! PUKE!

Harry:

(All jittery and whiny) How do I do that?

B'Elanna:

Never had to force my self to do it before ... ask Seven I'm sure she knows how ...

Seven:

Of course. Just take your finger and ... HEY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

B'Elanna:

Oh, nothing ... but do you really wanna challenge a Klingon who just took 6 hits of acid?

Seven:

GOD DAMNIT! (Storms off)

Harry:

Now what do I do?

Janeway:

Pray for the country.

Harry:

Will you stop second guessing me?

Janeway:

No way! (Building a model of Voyager out of her mashed potatoes)

Chakotay:

Hey, Harry. It's your Favorite NEIGHBOR!

Tom:

We are in the dining room! How did you know we were here?

Chakotay:

Well I heard Harry whining and the chomping of your maid's jaws and I put two and two together! (Audience laughter)

Janeway:

Shut up! I've seen you stuff your face a few times, Chakotay!

Chakotay:

I DO NOT! (Sits down and inhales a whole turkey)

Bubbles:

HEY! I wanted a piece of that! (Starts crying)

B'Elanna:

If you let me out I'll go kill you another one with my bare hands! (Laughs maniacally)

Buttercup:

I don't think so ... How about I just go steal one from a restaurant?

Blossom:

Don't say that in front of the president! Make sure he's out of the room first!

Buttercup:

RIGHT!

Harry:

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Pretty flowers (Goes and picks the flowers in the window box and smells them)

Janeway:

Awe isn't that sickening?

Harry:

(Starts to eat the flowers) These don't taste so good (He spits them out) OOO a Banana! (Heads out of the Dining room)

Blossom:

Well this party SUCKS! We're out of here! (They crash through the wall as they fly out and leave)

Tom:

Damn it! There goes our publicity! Now what the hell are we going to do?

Seven:

I could jump up and down in a wet T-shirt!

Tom:

Good idea, Seven. You do that (Runs out after Harry. Runs right into B'Elanna who is on the white house phone)

B'Elanna:

Hey there Tommy Boy!

Tom:

What the ... How in the ...

B'Elanna:

Harry let me out when I told him I would grant him 3 wishes ... (Talks on the phone for a moment) Yeah my rave buddies should be here any moment!

Tom:

Rave Buddies?

B'Elanna:

Yeah! (Starts blowing bubbles) WOOOOOOO!

Harry:

LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!

Some cameramen from the news channels move in for the 100th drug arrest.

Harry:

Who let them in here?

Tom:

White house security! Mr. President what is your problem?

Harry:

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Starts flapping his arms like a bird)

Tom:

What exactly did he take?

B'Elanna:

Something I made up in engineering ... it's an acid-Ecxtasy hybrid mix all in one simple pill! I call it ... ASSTASY!

Janeway:

WOW! That's ingenious! How much is it per pill?

B'Elanna:

50 per pill ... I've already made 10,000! And at this Rave tonight I should make a ton more ...

Janeway:

Wanna let me in on the cut ... I pass some out ... get some money ... we're all happy ...

Tom:

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! B'Elanna get back in your cage!

B'Elanna:

What ever man (Heads into the kitchen to get some munchies)

Tom:

HOW COME NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO ME?

Janeway:

WAIT UP! (Follows B'Elanna)

Harry:

Woo what does this button do? (Presses a button on the side of the camera and a strobe light goes on) WOOO!

Harry starts doing the monkey, a bunch of Ravers pile into the main hall. They set up a DJ system and huge speakers and starts playing music. A bubble machine pumps bubbles into the room. A disco ball spins from the top of each speaker.

Tom:

This can't be good ...

In the kitchen, B'Elanna is dividing up pills between her and the Maid.

Janeway:

So I get 50 percent of what ever I sell? (Puts her pills into a bottle) Where's my Huka?

B'Elanna:

You got us some preemo weed?

Janeway:

Hell yeah. How do you think I stay so calm on the bridge?

Dave Chapelle:

Oh yeah!

Janeway:

Wrong set, but you can stay if you want!

Jim Bruer:

Woah Dude (Grabs a bag of chips and walks off)

Back in the main Hall.

Tom:

What am I going to do? Am I the only SANE person in this whole SHOW?

Seven:

I'm here now ...

Tom:

Are you sober?

Seven:

Yeah ....

Tom:

Then come with me ... We have to find the script and rewrite it before it's too late!

Seven:

RIGHT!

They go into the oval office and start tearing everything thing apart.

In the main hall.

Crowd:

GO HARRY! GO HARRY! GO HARRY! GO HARRY!

Harry is dancing around with fairy wings and goggles on.

Raver 1:

Now this is what I'm talking about!

Raver 2:

Lets never go home!

Janeway:

ASSTASY! GET YOUR ASSTASY HERE! (She sells 4 pills) Oh YEAH!

In the oval office.

Tom:

I found it!

They are surround by piles of junk they have ripped out of the desk including a blow up doll, and action figures of the Voyager crew.

Seven:

What do we do?

Tom:

I know what to do! (Opens to the ending and rips those pages out of the back of the script. Everything in the main hall freezes) There we go ... Okay, now to re-write the last few pages and staple them back in ... before any one sees the frozen rave in the main hall.

Back in the main hall Harry is paused with one eye open and a finger up his nose digging for gold.

Oval Office 15 minutes later.

Tom:

GREAT! Now all I have to do is staple these pages in the back of the script.

He staples them in. There is a big flash and Q appears.

Q:

Do you really think that it's right to mess with the destiny of these people without the help of Moi?

Tom:

Q!

Seven:

R! (Tom Elbows her) I mean, Q!

Q:

Yes, we already established that (Takes the script) Let me help you with that ... Now (Snaps his fingers) Follow me into the Main Hall ...

Tom and Seven walk into the main hall behind Q. All the Ravers are gone ... The main crew, Harry, B'Elanna, Chakotay and Janeway are all sitting around the table, in frilly pink dresses, sipping tea and nibbling on cookies.

Tom:

Not exactly what I had in mind, but it's better than the alternative ...

Seven:

Yeah ... what's alternative mean?

Q:

It means ... DANCE JUGGIES! (All the Juggies from the Man Show appear and start dancing on poles)

Tom:

OOOO GOD! One of these Days Q ... I'm gonna KICK YOU IN THE NUTS!

Audience laughs.