Borg Jokes

by Lloyd Wood et al
25 February 1997

Q. Why did the Borg cross the road?
A. To assimilate the other side.

Q. How do you confuse a Borg?
A. Put the nanomolecular assembler off his left arm and the sonic screwdriver off his right arm against the wall, and tell him to take his pick.

Q. Why do the Borg reproduce?
A. You live in a boring black square cube with no TV, no beer, and no room to play sport. What would you want to do?

Q. How do you encourage the Borg to reproduce?
A. Give them borgasms (Then let them plug and play).

Q. How do you discourage the Borg from reproducing?
A. Give them kids. (Tidy your wallslot! Plug your pipes in properly!)

Q. How can you tell the difference between a Borg and a Jehovah's Witness?
A. The Jehovah's Witness knocks and waits.
B. The Jehovah's Witness is not entirely certain in his beliefs.
C. You can get rid of the Jehovah's Witness.

Q. What do you call a Borg playing tennis?
A. Bjorn Borg. Man, what a good back-appendage-shaped-like-a-racket it used to have.

Q. If a Borg is ill, how do you diagnose him?
A. Intel Inside. The 'I am Pentium of Borg, you will be approximated' announcements are a dead giveaway.

Q. Have the Borg had successful careers outside showbiz?
A. As chefs in fast-food chains ('Borg! Borg! Borg!') You ever eaten a Borger at Borger King?

Q. How do we know that the Borg are superior?
A. They have superconductivity. (Resistance is futile).
B. They may have cable, but they don't watch TV.
C. They don't lose their socks in the wash.
D. The females of the species don't feel the need to shop, spend money, or have emotional crises.
E. They didn't elect Ronald Reagan. 

Q: How do you destroy the new starship "Titanic" (NCX-48654)?
A: With a Nice Borg!

Q: What say the Borg Queen when they conquer a new solar system?
A: "A Star is BORG"...

Borg - the NETWORK is the COMMUNITY.

Borg - being a ruthless conscience-free race out to enslave the universe means never having to say you're sorry.

Borg - more dangerous than ActiveX but with even more convenient (to-the-plot) holes in their defences.

Borg - see what happens when you leave NT intranets to their own devices after building motion control into the kernel?

Borg - aggressively multiplying nanotechnology on board!

Borg - assimilation doesn't kill people. Resistance kills people.

O my God... a universe full of Natural BORG Killers !!!